When I started at Lush Concepts in October, I had a lot of questions. Some of them - where do I sit, where is the coffee, how the heck do you do that keyboard shortcut on a Mac - were answered easily enough. Some things I found in the office, however, utterly defied explanation. In my short time at Lush, I have stumbled across a series of mysteries about my new working space. In this post, I’ll be showing you some of them, and attempting to impose meaning on the obviously unfathomable.
1. THE TINFOIL BEARD
Even if there were no tinfoil beard, I would still have questions about this poster, chief among them “isn’t that a picture book?” and “has this poster ever made children in a library cry?” The glinting aluminum facial hair only adds another layer of uncanny to this somewhat unsettling piece of wall décor.
MY HYPOTHESIS: The beard was installed as part of an old folk remedy for guarding against the evil eye. Since measures were taken to counteract Sean Connery’s disquieting stare, office morale has improved.
2. THE COZY TERMINATOR
My first week was full of double-takes, thanks to the “receptionist” posted by the door - a cardboard cutout of The Terminator, henceforth lovingly referred to as “Arnie.” In recent weeks, he’s been accessorized with a cozy looking scarf and a hat that I do believe has “Bad Girl” embroidered on the front. Where did this mysterious creature come from, and what possible purpose could he serve?
MY HYPOTHESIS: Having heard the horror stories from other dev shops, the Lush team decided to head disaster off at the pass and “hired” Arnie to ward off a roving band of Luddite assassins with exceptionally poor depth perception. The accessories are just to add some warmth… to such a stone-cold badass.
3. THE BANANA FREEZER
In searching for the ice cream that Supreme Benevolent Project Manager Elysse had brought for the team, I opened the office freezer. What stared back at me? Bananas. Myriad, abounding bananas, frozen and black and legion. Quite frankly, I was disturbed. I can think of very few purposes for hoarding so many bananas, but they all seem pretty nefarious.
MY HYPOTHESIS: The bananas are stocks to feed the monkeys that live under the floorboards and produce the actual code, while we humans all hammer blindly at our keyboards in a caffeinated stupor.